Friday, February 21, 2014

Dealing with Alzheimers

My mil has Alzheimers.  She has been getting physically abusive as of late.  This is on top of the verbal abuse.  I'm not trying to paint her in a bad way as she does not know what she is doing but this is taking a toll on my fil.  He wants to take care of her.  He does not want her to go to any type of facility. 

I just got a call within the last hour that she was taken to the hospital, unresponsive but she did come to and is having a fit. 

I don't know how my fil takes it.  I think it is affecting his health as well.  He looks like he is just so tired. 

Of course, my opinions don't really matter because she is not my mother.  Having said that, I think everyone needs to what is best for HER and not so much for themselves.  I can only imagine what it would be like to have a parent in an Alzheimers facility but I know what it is doing to him mentally and physically.  He is one tough dude but even the toughest need help.

Please pray for them!!


  1. I could write chapters, perhaps an entire book, on this subject. My fil was never combative, but he was hearing voices coming out of the radio and he unplugged it and still heard voices. He had an electrician come 3 times as he was getting shocked and it was static electricity, but he could not grasp that and was convinced that there was something evil in the house. He would get confused about which door opened to what and we were afraid he would open the door to the basement and tumble down the steps. He asked to go to the ER EVERY DAY as he knew something was wrong and told everyone that he had a sick stomach. After 8 trips to the ER in 5+ weeks, the ER dr finally saw enough to suspect pneumonia and finally could substantiate an admission (Jan 2008). And this fil was the main care provider for mil who has been in a wheelchair since March 2003 and depended on him for MUCH. So it was not a casual decision to agree when the hospital stated unequivocally that he was unable to be safe in his own house and was in fact a danger to others as he was unable to think clearly enough to function. A nurse called to inform us that he was sitting on his hospital bed after being admitted, playing with over 600.00 that he had in his wallet. She was a truly honest and caring person. Ask for a consult with the social workers and the guidance will take the ultimate decision making from you. Blessings!

  2. Also meant to say that fil was admitted to an Alzheimers' unit at a superb county-run home lived there for 8 months, dying just 6 weeks before his 93rd birthday. We managed to maintain mil in their home till June 2012 and she was admitted to the same home and just turned 94 2 weeks ago.

  3. My MIL had Alzheimer's. When we moved her to an apt. near us within 6 months it became clear she was sick.....a 1 week admit to the hospital and we had an Alzheimer's diagnosis.
    She had enough funds to keep her in a very nice "shepherd" unit of a retirement community nearby for 5 years or so. When she got too sick to remain there we moved her to a small nursing home 2 miles away. That ate the rest of her money up quickly but since she had been there for about a year, when Medicare started having to pick up the tab(and they didn't pay nearly enough to cover the monthly bill), they let her stay until she passed away a few years later.

    If your FIL is the primary caretaker of your MIL, see about getting someone to come in to help him a couple of days a week or someone to step in as a "sitter" so he can get a break now and again. And see if they can give MIL something for the combativeness as the drugs have come a long way since we dealt with this with MIL.
    Does DH have any siblings who can help in this situation too?
    Hubs siblings were useless and dumped everything for his mom on us. I still have bad feelings toward them how they treated her.

    1. They have refused to have any help. They did have someone scheduled to come over and give him a break and at the last minute they cancelled. She didn't want it and he didn't want to upset her. He simply won't consider someone coming in their home to help. It's sad to see him so worn out but it's his decision, at least at this point.